that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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