Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
