if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
