if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
