Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
