Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
