Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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