Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
