i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
