About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
