Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
