i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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