Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've blown a few things in my day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
