god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
