If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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