I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
