Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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