the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
