When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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