So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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