That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
