I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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