DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
