So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
