I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
