There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
