my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
