none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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