so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
