Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
