Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
