Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
