i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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