I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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