I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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