i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
