Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
