Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
