What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
