Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
