youre lurking in front of me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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