Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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