I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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