3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
