would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
