you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
