Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i barfeds in our rink
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
