Someone shit on the floor
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
