Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
