I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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