Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
