you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
