I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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