We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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