Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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