My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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