shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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