he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
