drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize