so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
