Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
