Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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