i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
