He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
