he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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