The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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