I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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