her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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