I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
