I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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