I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
